Self-Awareness and A Broken Heart

In AD 500, Augustine wrote: “How can you draw close to God when you are far from your own self?” In 1530, John Calvin wrote: “Our wisdom…consists almost entirely of two parts: knowledge of God and of ourselves.” And Teresa of Avila wisely wrote: “Almost all problems in the spiritual life stem from a lack of self-knowledge.” -from Emotionally Healthy Spirituality Day by Day by Peter Scazzero, p. 38

Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.

For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
Ps 51:6, 16-17 NASB

As I was reading Ps 51, I discovered this nugget: God wants truth in our innermost being. David prays that in his hidden part he would know wisdom. What does this mean?

The context is that this Psalm is a prayer of repentance, after Nathan confronted David about his sins of committing adultery with Bathsheba and then killing her husband. The more I come to understand our brokenness, the more I see that this was not simply a matter of David failing to exercise willpower and not make a bad choice. There were deeper issues that manifested in this sin. And here is the tricky part: they were most likely hidden from David. He was not self-aware of what they were.

If this was the case, how did he become aware of the deeper issues which were at the root of this egregious offense? He needed God to “make [him] know wisdom.” We have the opportunity to partner with the Holy Spirit and ask God, “What is going on inside of me?” This was the process of him becoming more self-aware.

Later in the psalm, we are given a wonderful insight on the heart of God and what is important to Him: He is not impressed by any sacrifice that we can give him, for He gave us all those things in the first place. What He really likes is a broken and contrite heart. Soak that in!

Let’s face it: every one of us has areas of our lives that are broken, and we try to cover our weaknesses with our false self, because we are trying to gain the approval of others instead of God. When we are broken and contrite, we admit our shortcomings to God and others. When we accept our brokenness, then we are free to invite God to work in our lives to heal us, and we also are free to share our brokenness with others. This seems to please God—and others—more than us standing behind our false selves and pretending we are something that we are not.

What is an area of your life that God might be inviting you to be more self-aware?